I'm Your Sunshine

Everything in Life

Save The Best for The Last

My Dearest,

I want say this…
I’m afraid this will disturb you
then you are gone.

Please don’t ignore me.
I’m just trying to be honest about what I feel, before it’s too late.

I’m to much talking and writing.
I’m too excited when chating with you
but I want to be a good listener for you too.

Maybe you will say I’m crazy
and you think I’m not logic
but I don’t like to much drama.

Love is not logical thing.
Love doesn’t need a reason and explain why.

I like you and falling for you
yeah… before we met face to face


Maybe you think it’s not possible thing,
like or love someone who I never met before.
Separated by a long long distance.

Sorry, you’re totally wrong.

I always think and told about you to God
and I said your name
day by day on my pray.

I also pray that I will be prepared and propered to always be by your side.

We have been met.
Yes… in my pray and on my wishlist to God.
Day and night…
so we’re very close in prayer.

I want to be your bestfriend.
No, I want more than bestfriend.
I really want to be your future
and your home…

Like my wish, you’re become my future and my home.

I hope you feel the same
I don’t want force you.

Let’s enjoy the process

and if you don’t feel the same
not even interested at all,
or you decided to be with someone else..

that’s maybe hurt me… but it’s okay.
I can handle it
and I hope you can be my bestfriend.

I just want you to know about my feelings,
and try to be honest with my own feelings.

If you have the same feeling for me….
and start having deeper feelings for me.
Let me know because I’m waiting for that.

Praise The Lord. Thanks to God!

Let’s move step by step
cause you always exist on my pray to God.

Please, Save The Best for The Last.

It’s you, my dear….

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Mind Trick

Photo by Brand New Images—Getty Images

Hello world,

When you get some reason to be happy that’s good
But if you can’t found any reason you can deceive yourself
Let’s call it mind trick
When you get some trouble and get stressed talk with yourself,

“it’s amazing”

“something better will come”

“my life is great”

“I’m always happy”

It can make you survived even you don’t have anyone
Even people just come only when they are need your help or your support
When you are stay on the bottom place, they always gone and disappeared

Hey My Dear…

This is reality, don’t dream too much even you have to be good dreamer *like me 😀
Please be kind with yourself, you can handle everything with a good vibe.
Why I said about good vibe? Yes, something inside you can make a good vibe.

Just smile

Maybe they disappeared but they never forget about you.

Think about the better things, keep positive, be genuine, sincere with other even they only want to use you for their own sake.

You must realize that you are a good person. You must respect them although they don’t do the same. Just always be a good person and always spread the love.

This is mind tricking, although the worst happen in to your life you have to do and say with yourself directly about the best things.

Maybe some people said it’s not good because we are deceiving ourselves, but it’s better when we can thinking only the best things in our life.

Everything is going to be alright when we can mind tricking our self with the good and positive.

But, very possible everything going to be worst if don’t do mind tricking like what I said.

Everything depends on situation and opinion.

“Everything happen not forever. We can count the time when something bad or good happen in our life. So, be happy and be positive. Look in to the mirror and smile to yourself.”

With Love,

Special for You

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For Someone Who Loved My Curly Hair

Dear Someone there,

Thanks for loving my curly hair. Maybe it’s too late to say thank you. I’m full of gratefulness when God decided us to know each other. I love my curly hair deeper than before when I know someone like you. I believe in fate and everything happen not by coincidence. Everything happen for a reason. And you are the reason make me happier more and more.

Sorry for my mistake and my attitude then make you uncomfortable.

I miss someone who loved my curly hair. This is amazing grace for me because it can make you smile and happy when you looking my hair. I always remember the way you smile and the way you look at me. Although that’s only from far, from video call and picture… I was imagine how you react if we can meet in a real life. You really make me happy and I’m not realizing this before. I’m start falling in love with you minute by minute, day by day….

This is my curly hair make me happy cause it can make you smile and smile and smile… I hope my curly hair always make you falling in love with me day by day.

I really want you always remember about me, about my curly hair, about me and our conversation of course about my curly hair… 😀

I miss the moment when you chat me and can’t be patient waiting my reply. I feel the same wih you. But I guess I’m little unlucky because you are gone. I’m sad but it help me to realize my true feeling for you and about us.

I want to say Thank You.

Again and again… thank you for love my curly hair. Thank you for like me for what I am. Even though you stay away from me day by day… I always grateful know about you.

Yes you are perfect and great person. But I don’t really care about that. I don’t care about your past, about your job, about this and that… for me what are you feeling for me that’s more than important than everything you have.

I don’t know what do you want or what are you looking for before you found me.

Even thought you just want for fun, that doesn’t matter… because my feelings for you is sincere. I’m just hoping you can feel the same.

Really thanks for my curly hair because you like it for the first sight.

Hope the best for you… and I’m sure you always there and never leave me…

And I’m not okay when you are gone and never say hello to me even ignored my message..

“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”

~John Lennon~

Always Proud of you.

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There are many things we want to do. For sure there are a lot of thing we want too. In the end of the year, actually on December we have a habit to make some resolution. What we want to do and what we have to do on the next year. Yeah, we called it resolution. So, the question is…

What your resolution for 2018?

Do you have a plan to make a long trip, going merried, study aboard, buy a car, a house, a horse? Hahaha

Yayaya.. i trust all of we have a lot f resolution in our happy life.
First of thing is we have to ask ourself.
Have we make resolution to our better personality?

How about you, your friends, your family, or maybe somone who sit beside or behind you?

How important our resolution?

I guess, not really important as we think.

The most important thing is how we enjoy all of the process in our life.

Every little thing that we reach thats the point about we have reach our resolution.

It’s not about our resolution but it’s all about how you make everything we want to be come true.

That’s the point, the process.

So, let’s be better for the our new life.


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Yes I Am or Was??

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Hi.. Hello..!!!
It’s wonderful sky for tonight, ya.. I guess
Nice to know about all of you..
And this is the best experience to write some thing here… about me
about my past… my experience … about bla.. bla.. bla…
First thing, Let me introduce myself ..
With pleasure…. here I am and I was…

I’m not a little girl anymore.. I think I’m woman for now or anything else except baby or a man because my gender is female.. LOL
I’m 29th years old
I’m from Indonesia.. and a lot of people didn’t know about my country but nope
I’m single happy because I’m not married, hmmm… not yet 😀
and God have Someone to be my future husband..
It’s all about me and my past experience..
The story begun… when I know what is Sex, Love and Dating…
I live far away from my parents, from my family.. well maybe I’m alone and I met a guy to filled my loneliness… and you know how the story is… I lost my virginity
I was made such a fool stuff…
I still remember what I did in my small room…
I was hurt and frustrated.. I felt messy, dirty, impure..
Yeaa… something like that..

I always take something to cut or scratch or hit my body.. the most like is my hands
I can felt the name of peace and relax…
I can hit a wall , cut my hair myself
I always did something like that when I’m angry or sad..
I like red and I like blood… when scratch my hand, I just need a few minute to be calm
That was amazing.. but now, that make me thinking out loud and say “WHY ?”
Maybe anyone can say that I was crazy.. haha
maybe but someday I know something about this
Self Injury Disorder, Self Harm , Self Abuse or anything else…
Yes oh no… OMG I had a mental illness…

If someone make me angry, sad, frustrated… till know I always want to doing something like that again.. again… and again…

I try to stop it.
My parents, my family … they don’t know anything about this
But when someone or guy like me and I like him, I always tell him all about my past and my habit…
but anyone can not help me… just me
When some article said , someone who loves you and always support you, you can healed.. hmmm.. I don’t think so..
I guess there is no man who can stand with my illness…
Because it is just make they hurt to when they know about my habit when despondent,enraged or frustrated or very hurt…

But know I against my illness alone… haha
I tried to fight with myself..
Everyone … all of you.. you have to do this too..
Stand alone with your own shoes..
Yes I Was…
Yes I Am…
Yes I Have A Self Injury Disorder Disease…
And know everyone who read my blog know about my disease…
I hope this is good for a lot of people…

With Love…
Keep Struggle!!!

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Hidup itu misteri…
Penuh misteri…
Menimbulkan misteri…
Bahkan hidup adalah misteri itu sendiri
Di satu masa kita ga pernah tau kenapa kita ada di tempat ini atau itu
Jalani saja… nikmati.. jawabannya akan selalu datang tepat waktu
Itulah misteri
Jangan terlalu banyak menduga dan berasumsi…
Ingat semua hanya tentang misteri
Berpikirlah yang baik..
Supaya jawaban dari misteri itu juga baik
Meski proses yang kamu jalani dibalik jawaban misteri itu begitu menyulitkan
Percaya saja..
Misteri itu gambaran kebaikan di masa depan
Sama seperti ketika dia pergi tanpa pesan
Atau terpaksa berkhianat karena keadaan, meskipun tak ada alasan apa pun yang sepadan untuk sebuah pengkhianatan..
Bahkan ketika dia muncul membawa misteri ditengah misteri yang belum terpecahkan…
Percaya saja
Semua akan berakhir baik…

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Menangis itu terkadang bisa buat sakit kepala hilang begitu saja…
Tidak perlu sungkan dibilang lemah atau cengeng, toh itu manusiawi
Kalau kita punya berjibun beban dipundak yang bisa sampai menarik syaraf di otak dan akhirnya bikin sakit kepala ga tertahan… kita bisa apa?
Cerita sama orang yang kita kenal belum tentu bisa kasih kita solusi.
Kalau kamu ga tahan dengan semua itu
Menangis saja.
Terkadang sesederhana itu
Pergi saja dari tempatmu sekarang dan cari ruangan gelap yang sempit
Cobalah berkomunikasi dengan batinmu.
Yang paling mengerti diri kita ya kita sendiri, jadi rasanya kita harus membiasakan diri berkomunikasi dengan diri kita sendiri…
Dalam hati saja… nanti kamu dikira gila hehe..
Iya, saya memang suka menangis daripada membagi beban saya dengan orang lain.
Saya sangat tahu kalau setiap orang punya beban masing-masing yang harus dipikul dan dibawa kemana saja.
Saya paling tidak suka menjadi beban untuk orang lain, dalam hal apapun. Meski pada akhirnya saya terus membebani mereka.
Karena itu… saya hanya berbincang dengan Sang Maha Tahu… dia tidak akan mengejek saya karena cengeng dan terlalu sering menangis.
Dia tidak menganggap saya lemah dan melemahkan saya dengan kata – kata yang menghakimi…
Dia hanya menghembuskan angin segar.. dan memeluk saya dengan kehangatan..
Menenangkan saya… sehingga beban saya yang begitu berat.. dapat saya tanggung dengan hati yang tenang dan kuat..
Menangislah.. jika hanya itu yang bisa dilakukan..
Dia selalu menakar air mata yang menetes dan membasahi pipi..
Menangis dalam kegelapan itu membuat saya dapat terus tertawa dibawah mentari..

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Bumerang #1

Senjata kaum aborigin
Bisa jadi sangat mematikan ketika ada di tangan yang tepat
Sayangnya bumerang itu menjelma jadi kata yang diucapkan mulut seorang manusia lupa diri
Kini perlahan
Bumerang yang kau lemparkan padaku kembali mendatangi tuannya
Bukan untuk ditangkap dan dikuasai kembali
Tapi untuk berbalik menyerang sang tuan

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