Yes I Am or Was??

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Hi.. Hello..!!!
It’s wonderful sky for tonight, ya.. I guess
Nice to know about all of you..
And this is the best experience to write some thing here… about me
about my past… my experience … about bla.. bla.. bla…
First thing, Let me introduce myself ..
With pleasure…. here I am and I was…

I’m not a little girl anymore.. I think I’m woman for now or anything else except baby or a man because my gender is female.. LOL
I’m 29th years old
I’m from Indonesia.. and a lot of people didn’t know about my country but nope
I’m single happy because I’m not married, hmmm… not yet 😀
and God have Someone to be my future husband..
It’s all about me and my past experience..
The story begun… when I know what is Sex, Love and Dating…
I live far away from my parents, from my family.. well maybe I’m alone and I met a guy to filled my loneliness… and you know how the story is… I lost my virginity
I was made such a fool stuff…
I still remember what I did in my small room…
I was hurt and frustrated.. I felt messy, dirty, impure..
Yeaa… something like that..

I always take something to cut or scratch or hit my body.. the most like is my hands
I can felt the name of peace and relax…
I can hit a wall , cut my hair myself
I always did something like that when I’m angry or sad..
I like red and I like blood… when scratch my hand, I just need a few minute to be calm
That was amazing.. but now, that make me thinking out loud and say “WHY ?”
Maybe anyone can say that I was crazy.. haha
maybe but someday I know something about this
Self Injury Disorder, Self Harm , Self Abuse or anything else…
Yes oh no… OMG I had a mental illness…

If someone make me angry, sad, frustrated… till know I always want to doing something like that again.. again… and again…

I try to stop it.
My parents, my family … they don’t know anything about this
But when someone or guy like me and I like him, I always tell him all about my past and my habit…
but anyone can not help me… just me
When some article said , someone who loves you and always support you, you can healed.. hmmm.. I don’t think so..
I guess there is no man who can stand with my illness…
Because it is just make they hurt to when they know about my habit when despondent,enraged or frustrated or very hurt…

But know I against my illness alone… haha
I tried to fight with myself..
Everyone … all of you.. you have to do this too..
Stand alone with your own shoes..
Struggle…
Yes I Was…
Yes I Am…
Yes I Have A Self Injury Disorder Disease…
And know everyone who read my blog know about my disease…
I hope this is good for a lot of people…

With Love…
Keep Struggle!!!

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