I'm Your Sunshine

Everything in Life

Mind Trick

Photo by Brand New Imagesโ€”Getty Images

Hello world,

When you get some reason to be happy that’s good
But if you can’t found any reason you can deceive yourself
Let’s call it mind trick
When you get some trouble and get stressed talk with yourself,

“it’s amazing”

“something better will come”

“my life is great”

“I’m always happy”

It can make you survived even you don’t have anyone
Even people just come only when they are need your help or your support
When you are stay on the bottom place, they always gone and disappeared

Hey My Dear…

This is reality, don’t dream too much even you have to be good dreamer *like me ๐Ÿ˜€
Please be kind with yourself, you can handle everything with a good vibe.
Why I said about good vibe? Yes, something inside you can make a good vibe.

Just smile

Maybe they disappeared but they never forget about you.
Forever.

Think about the better things, keep positive, be genuine, sincere with other even they only want to use you for their own sake.

You must realize that you are a good person. You must respect them although they don’t do the same. Just always be a good person and always spread the love.

This is mind tricking, although the worst happen in to your life you have to do and say with yourself directly about the best things.

Maybe some people said it’s not good because we are deceiving ourselves, but it’s better when we can thinking only the best things in our life.

Everything is going to be alright when we can mind tricking our self with the good and positive.

But, very possible everything going to be worst if don’t do mind tricking like what I said.

Everything depends on situation and opinion.

“Everything happen not forever. We can count the time when something bad or good happen in our life. So, be happy and be positive. Look in to the mirror and smile to yourself.”

With Love,

Special for You

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Maturity is Not About Number, It’s About Perspective

When you put your photo on your Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and all of your social media account maybe some people said about how is your look…

Ever you hear about this ?

“Is that you on the picture? You look younger than your age! That’s awesome!”

Or

“How can you look younger than your age? That’s a gift for you”

And many other…

Yes… everyone have own standart about maturity. Perspective about how the people is mature or not.

Have you ever met someone looks childish when he/ she was 73 years old?

That’s not imagine. That’s possible thing happen in this world.

You can said someone who can walking alone in the dark is have good maturity. But someone else can said that’s because he/ she just walking around in him/ her neighborhood , that’s not maturity but habit.

The question is how we can be mature and have good maturity in right perspective?

You can be mature when you can smile at your big big problem you had in the past..

You feel mature when someone can touch your soul and you can do the same so you can share your passion.

Let’s say you are mature because you can make someone else growth up and be mature in the right perspective.

It’s difficult thing to explain how can mature if you don’t feel mature enough. Maybe, it’s just oir perseption if we feel not mature enough.

When we can dicided what is good or better for ourlife and we made right decision about some thing. Sometimes it made we feel more mature than we think before.

Mature it’s not about how is your face or look in front of the other.

I guess it’s about your knowledge, attitude, inner beauty, mindset, emphaty, ability and many others.

It’s about stability between body and soul. Harmony between passion and ability.

When you can meet someone made you honest about who you are. Maybe it can made you more mature. Because every change starting from openness and honesty.

Be honest to yourself. It can help you to be mature than before. Just be yourself, love yourself and accept yourself.

You should finding someone who can your trust and trust you to.

Mature it’s about share together not just about take and give.

How do you think?

Are you mature enough or try to be mature than before?

What is mature in your perspective and perseption?

Share it maybe you can help other people who want to be mature.

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For Someone Who Loved My Curly Hair

Dear Someone there,

Thanks for loving my curly hair. Maybe it’s too late to say thank you. I’m full of gratefulness when God decided us to know each other. I love my curly hair deeper than before when I know someone like you. I believe in fate and everything happen not by coincidence. Everything happen for a reason. And you are the reason make me happier more and more.

Sorry for my mistake and my attitude then make you uncomfortable.

I miss someone who loved my curly hair. This is amazing grace for me because it can make you smile and happy when you looking my hair. I always remember the way you smile and the way you look at me. Although that’s only from far, from video call and picture… I was imagine how you react if we can meet in a real life. You really make me happy and I’m not realizing this before. I’m start falling in love with you minute by minute, day by day….

This is my curly hair make me happy cause it can make you smile and smile and smile… I hope my curly hair always make you falling in love with me day by day.

I really want you always remember about me, about my curly hair, about me and our conversation of course about my curly hair… ๐Ÿ˜€

I miss the moment when you chat me and can’t be patient waiting my reply. I feel the same wih you. But I guess I’m little unlucky because you are gone. I’m sad but it help me to realize my true feeling for you and about us.

I want to say Thank You.

Again and again… thank you for love my curly hair. Thank you for like me for what I am. Even though you stay away from me day by day… I always grateful know about you.

Yes you are perfect and great person. But I don’t really care about that. I don’t care about your past, about your job, about this and that… for me what are you feeling for me that’s more than important than everything you have.

I don’t know what do you want or what are you looking for before you found me.

Even thought you just want for fun, that doesn’t matter… because my feelings for you is sincere. I’m just hoping you can feel the same.

Really thanks for my curly hair because you like it for the first sight.

Hope the best for you… and I’m sure you always there and never leave me…

And I’m not okay when you are gone and never say hello to me even ignored my message..

“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”

~John Lennon~

Always Proud of you.

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Prolog

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Hello dear…
Rasanya sudah begitu lama tidak menari diatas huruf-huruf yang berbaris rapi ini..
Hehe… sah-sah saja rasanya kalau saya agak sedikit.. ehemm… mendramatisasi kembalinya saya ke dunia orat oret yang entah apa tujuannya.

Boleh kan ya saya curhat sebelum melanjutkan dengan tulisan-tulisan berikutnya di posting yang coming soon… (ok bahasa semakin kacau.. :P)

Jadi ceritanya beberapa malam yang lalu saya tidak tidur, alih-alih tidur beberapa jam, tapi rasanya seperti tidak tidur. Iya, jujur saja saya ini penggila tidur. Saat dilanda mengantuk dan lapar saya akan memilih tidur.. Semoga tidak membuat bingung ya.. Alhasil, bangunlah dengan perut nuansa musik keroncong..

Dan ini agak berkepanjangan, beberapa hari ini agak sulit tidur di malam hari..ya mari kita nikmati saja. Positifnya, saya bisa menulis lagi disini, entah penting atau tidak. ๐Ÿ˜€

Saya ingin membuat sebauh cerita pendek yang belakangan terlintas di benak.. Orang tua bilang kalau kamu memikirkan sesuatu hal yang sama selama beberapa hari. Artinya itu kemungkinan hal yang cukup penting. Berangkat dari petuah nenek moyang itu, saya memutuskan tidak jadi tidur dan berselimut malam ini. Ya, karena ada sesuatu, sebut saja pikiran-pikiran yang mengganggu dan harus segera diselesaikan.

Saya akan memulai pada bagian selanjutnya dari postingan saya,,, bukan disini

Anggap saja ini hanya sebuah prolog. Ya, seperti di film-film. Ini hanya fiktif belaka, cerita, adegan, alur, tokoh dan semua yang ada dalam cerita hanya rekaan belaka. Sama sekali tidak ada hubungannya dengan kehidupan nyata.

Let’s check it out!

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Resolution

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There are many things we want to do. For sure there are a lot of thing we want too. In the end of the year, actually on December we have a habit to make some resolution. What we want to do and what we have to do on the next year. Yeah, we called it resolution. So, the question is…

What your resolution for 2018?

Do you have a plan to make a long trip, going merried, study aboard, buy a car, a house, a horse? Hahaha

Yayaya.. i trust all of we have a lot f resolution in our happy life.
First of thing is we have to ask ourself.
Have we make resolution to our better personality?

How about you, your friends, your family, or maybe somone who sit beside or behind you?

How important our resolution?

I guess, not really important as we think.

The most important thing is how we enjoy all of the process in our life.

Every little thing that we reach thats the point about we have reach our resolution.

It’s not about our resolution but it’s all about how you make everything we want to be come true.

That’s the point, the process.

So, let’s be better for the our new life.

 

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Filosofi Paku dan Pohon Kayu

Suatu masa di hutan yang begitu indah masih asri dan dihiasai warna warni bunga
Kicauan burung dan suara aliran sungai dari kejauhan memberikan ketentraman pada jiwa yang berkelana

Hijau rerumputan seolah dapat menyilaukan mata
Warna warni indah bunga seolah membutakan mata dari keburukan dunia
Wangi bunga melukiskan senyuman bidadari
Hangat sapaan mentari dibalik pepohonan bagai pelukan yang tak tergambarkan
Jernih aliran sungai menampakan keindahan langit dan sekitarnya membawa dalam khayalan bagai negeri dongeng

Seperti apa hutan itu, benarkah hutan atau hanya sebuah taman buatan tangan manusia
Hutan yang seringkali dikunjungi binatang buas tak mungkin seindah untaian kata itu
Hmmmm…. kita lupa
Kita bisa melihat hutan indah itu ketika mata kita terpejam , tenang dan diuntai senyum simpul

Apakah hanya sebatas khayalan?
Iya..
Karena semua bergantung bagaimana isi hatimu dan apa yang memenuhi otakmu

Ada sesuatu yang menarik perhatianku di tengah hutan itu
Sebatang pohon kayu, sekilas tampak biasa saja, tapi ….
Semakin lama, semakin diperhatikan ada sesuatu yang membuat agak bergidik
Banyak bagian yang berlubang dan mulai menghitam..
Mungkin karena cuaca atau hujan atau hanya umurnya yang sudah terlalu tua…
Ketika mata menyelidik dari atas hingga mencapai tanah, aku melihat beberapa paku berkarat dana ada juga yang masih berkilat tampak baru…
Ah… aku jadi menebak-nebak sendiri
Kenapa di tempat seperti ini tiba- tiba ada bertebaran paku di dekat batang pohon ini?

Aku melewatkan sesuatu…
Itu, ada satu paku yang masih tertancap di batang pohon kayu
Tampak masih baru… hmmm
Menyedihkan pohon kayu ini, tak berdaya dan hanya diam
Apa bisa lubang – lubang bekas paku itu ditutupi dengan jaringan baru?
Rasanya tidak mungkin ya… pohon kayu ini pun tampak sudah mati dan hanya sebatas sebatang kayu yang tua dan usang

Seperti ucapan yang keluar dari mulut kita yang tak pernah bisa kembali

Ucapan adalah bibit yang jika sudah jatuh di hati akan menjadi sesuatu di masa depan

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Yes I Am or Was??

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Hi.. Hello..!!!
It’s wonderful sky for tonight, ya.. I guess
Nice to know about all of you..
And this is the best experience to write some thing here… about me
about my past… my experience … about bla.. bla.. bla…
First thing, Let me introduce myself ..
With pleasure…. here I am and I was…

I’m not a little girl anymore.. I think I’m woman for now or anything else except baby or a man because my gender is female.. LOL
I’m 29th years old
I’m from Indonesia.. and a lot of people didn’t know about my country but nope
I’m single happy because I’m not married, hmmm… not yet ๐Ÿ˜€
and God have Someone to be my future husband..
It’s all about me and my past experience..
The story begun… when I know what is Sex, Love and Dating…
I live far away from my parents, from my family.. well maybe I’m alone and I met a guy to filled my loneliness… and you know how the story is… I lost my virginity
I was made such a fool stuff…
I still remember what I did in my small room…
I was hurt and frustrated.. I felt messy, dirty, impure..
Yeaa… something like that..

I always take something to cut or scratch or hit my body.. the most like is my hands
I can felt the name of peace and relax…
I can hit a wall , cut my hair myself
I always did something like that when I’m angry or sad..
I like red and I like blood… when scratch my hand, I just need a few minute to be calm
That was amazing.. but now, that make me thinking out loud and say “WHY ?”
Maybe anyone can say that I was crazy.. haha
maybe but someday I know something about this
Self Injury Disorder, Self Harm , Self Abuse or anything else…
Yes oh no… OMG I had a mental illness…

If someone make me angry, sad, frustrated… till know I always want to doing something like that again.. again… and again…

I try to stop it.
My parents, my family … they don’t know anything about this
But when someone or guy like me and I like him, I always tell him all about my past and my habit…
but anyone can not help me… just me
When some article said , someone who loves you and always support you, you can healed.. hmmm.. I don’t think so..
I guess there is no man who can stand with my illness…
Because it is just make they hurt to when they know about my habit when despondent,enraged or frustrated or very hurt…

But know I against my illness alone… haha
I tried to fight with myself..
Everyone … all of you.. you have to do this too..
Stand alone with your own shoes..
Struggle…
Yes I Was…
Yes I Am…
Yes I Have A Self Injury Disorder Disease…
And know everyone who read my blog know about my disease…
I hope this is good for a lot of people…

With Love…
Keep Struggle!!!

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purple sky_my collection

Ini ceritanya sudah agak lama namun baru sempat saya tulis kali ini..
Hari itu saya benar-benar lelah dengan aktivitas yang padat…
Biasanya saya selalu ingin pulang lebih cepat dari biasaya, entah kenapa hari itu saya ga terlalu terbawa suasana.. saya tenang-tenang saja.

Hujan turun begitu lebat, wah jadwal pulang saya pun jadi diundur lagi semakin larut. Dengan terpaksa harus menunggu hingga hujan sore itu reda.
Saya tidak mengeluh, tidak berfirasat apa pun saat itu.

Seingat saya itu sore hari sebelum Hari Raya Nyepi…

Dengan langkah ringan saya berjalan keluar ruangan bersiap untuk menuju ke rumah… Udaranya cukup dingin karena hujan baru saja reda.. saat melihat ke langit, mata saya dimanjakan oleh warna yang indah..

Paduan warna yang begitu indah, lelah saya seakan berkurang hanya dengan pemandangan langit sore itu…

God is Amazing… Tuhan itu selalu punya cara sederhana namun ajaib untuk menghibur dan kasih harapan buat saya..

Seperti sore itu… bukan hal yang mustahil.. langit ungu bisa menghibur tepat di depan mata…

Menakjubkan.. saya tersenyum dan begitu bersyukur… karena pemandangan itu benar-benar menakjubkan…

Langit keunguan sore itu sudah cukup untuk menjadi alasan untuk tersenyum setiap hari…

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