I'm Your Sunshine

Everything in Life

Surrender

It’s to hard and impossible to handle
I can’t breath and feel the wind blowing
My heart stop for a while
My brain was overthought
What should I do?
Should I stay here forever, with the mess things
I hate this situation
Everything I do is feel bad and wrong
I’m feeling useless
This is eat my bones little by little
Only surrender
The last change in my life
I feel this is my last time in this place
I believe something good will happen when I’m surrender
Please be nice to me
Problem just come and go
If I can surrender with all my heart
I can endure it with a good way

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Survive

What will you do if everything around you become rude?
Day after day people messing your life
They just come when their need you
They are gone when you live on the bottom place, no money, no things you have
You only can say “What should I do?”
Be a survival
Yes, you have to be survive
Everyone will gone
Everything will disappeared
In the end you are standing alone
Maybe in the corner, in back stage, sit on the bottom place, or
Standing in front of and upside people who leave you alone when you are nothing
Just survive
Everything gonna be okay
And always gonna be okay

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Mind Trick

Photo by Brand New Images—Getty Images

Hello world,

When you get some reason to be happy that’s good
But if you can’t found any reason you can deceive yourself
Let’s call it mind trick
When you get some trouble and get stressed talk with yourself,

“it’s amazing”

“something better will come”

“my life is great”

“I’m always happy”

It can make you survived even you don’t have anyone
Even people just come only when they are need your help or your support
When you are stay on the bottom place, they always gone and disappeared

Hey My Dear…

This is reality, don’t dream too much even you have to be good dreamer *like me 😀
Please be kind with yourself, you can handle everything with a good vibe.
Why I said about good vibe? Yes, something inside you can make a good vibe.

Just smile

Maybe they disappeared but they never forget about you.
Forever.

Think about the better things, keep positive, be genuine, sincere with other even they only want to use you for their own sake.

You must realize that you are a good person. You must respect them although they don’t do the same. Just always be a good person and always spread the love.

This is mind tricking, although the worst happen in to your life you have to do and say with yourself directly about the best things.

Maybe some people said it’s not good because we are deceiving ourselves, but it’s better when we can thinking only the best things in our life.

Everything is going to be alright when we can mind tricking our self with the good and positive.

But, very possible everything going to be worst if don’t do mind tricking like what I said.

Everything depends on situation and opinion.

“Everything happen not forever. We can count the time when something bad or good happen in our life. So, be happy and be positive. Look in to the mirror and smile to yourself.”

With Love,

Special for You

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For Someone Who Loved My Curly Hair

Dear Someone there,

Thanks for loving my curly hair. Maybe it’s too late to say thank you. I’m full of gratefulness when God decided us to know each other. I love my curly hair deeper than before when I know someone like you. I believe in fate and everything happen not by coincidence. Everything happen for a reason. And you are the reason make me happier more and more.

Sorry for my mistake and my attitude then make you uncomfortable.

I miss someone who loved my curly hair. This is amazing grace for me because it can make you smile and happy when you looking my hair. I always remember the way you smile and the way you look at me. Although that’s only from far, from video call and picture… I was imagine how you react if we can meet in a real life. You really make me happy and I’m not realizing this before. I’m start falling in love with you minute by minute, day by day….

This is my curly hair make me happy cause it can make you smile and smile and smile… I hope my curly hair always make you falling in love with me day by day.

I really want you always remember about me, about my curly hair, about me and our conversation of course about my curly hair… 😀

I miss the moment when you chat me and can’t be patient waiting my reply. I feel the same wih you. But I guess I’m little unlucky because you are gone. I’m sad but it help me to realize my true feeling for you and about us.

I want to say Thank You.

Again and again… thank you for love my curly hair. Thank you for like me for what I am. Even though you stay away from me day by day… I always grateful know about you.

Yes you are perfect and great person. But I don’t really care about that. I don’t care about your past, about your job, about this and that… for me what are you feeling for me that’s more than important than everything you have.

I don’t know what do you want or what are you looking for before you found me.

Even thought you just want for fun, that doesn’t matter… because my feelings for you is sincere. I’m just hoping you can feel the same.

Really thanks for my curly hair because you like it for the first sight.

Hope the best for you… and I’m sure you always there and never leave me…

And I’m not okay when you are gone and never say hello to me even ignored my message..

“Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.”

~John Lennon~

Always Proud of you.

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Prolog

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Hello dear…
Rasanya sudah begitu lama tidak menari diatas huruf-huruf yang berbaris rapi ini..
Hehe… sah-sah saja rasanya kalau saya agak sedikit.. ehemm… mendramatisasi kembalinya saya ke dunia orat oret yang entah apa tujuannya.

Boleh kan ya saya curhat sebelum melanjutkan dengan tulisan-tulisan berikutnya di posting yang coming soon… (ok bahasa semakin kacau.. :P)

Jadi ceritanya beberapa malam yang lalu saya tidak tidur, alih-alih tidur beberapa jam, tapi rasanya seperti tidak tidur. Iya, jujur saja saya ini penggila tidur. Saat dilanda mengantuk dan lapar saya akan memilih tidur.. Semoga tidak membuat bingung ya.. Alhasil, bangunlah dengan perut nuansa musik keroncong..

Dan ini agak berkepanjangan, beberapa hari ini agak sulit tidur di malam hari..ya mari kita nikmati saja. Positifnya, saya bisa menulis lagi disini, entah penting atau tidak. 😀

Saya ingin membuat sebauh cerita pendek yang belakangan terlintas di benak.. Orang tua bilang kalau kamu memikirkan sesuatu hal yang sama selama beberapa hari. Artinya itu kemungkinan hal yang cukup penting. Berangkat dari petuah nenek moyang itu, saya memutuskan tidak jadi tidur dan berselimut malam ini. Ya, karena ada sesuatu, sebut saja pikiran-pikiran yang mengganggu dan harus segera diselesaikan.

Saya akan memulai pada bagian selanjutnya dari postingan saya,,, bukan disini

Anggap saja ini hanya sebuah prolog. Ya, seperti di film-film. Ini hanya fiktif belaka, cerita, adegan, alur, tokoh dan semua yang ada dalam cerita hanya rekaan belaka. Sama sekali tidak ada hubungannya dengan kehidupan nyata.

Let’s check it out!

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Yes I Am or Was??

Image result for self injury

Google Image

Hi.. Hello..!!!
It’s wonderful sky for tonight, ya.. I guess
Nice to know about all of you..
And this is the best experience to write some thing here… about me
about my past… my experience … about bla.. bla.. bla…
First thing, Let me introduce myself ..
With pleasure…. here I am and I was…

I’m not a little girl anymore.. I think I’m woman for now or anything else except baby or a man because my gender is female.. LOL
I’m 29th years old
I’m from Indonesia.. and a lot of people didn’t know about my country but nope
I’m single happy because I’m not married, hmmm… not yet 😀
and God have Someone to be my future husband..
It’s all about me and my past experience..
The story begun… when I know what is Sex, Love and Dating…
I live far away from my parents, from my family.. well maybe I’m alone and I met a guy to filled my loneliness… and you know how the story is… I lost my virginity
I was made such a fool stuff…
I still remember what I did in my small room…
I was hurt and frustrated.. I felt messy, dirty, impure..
Yeaa… something like that..

I always take something to cut or scratch or hit my body.. the most like is my hands
I can felt the name of peace and relax…
I can hit a wall , cut my hair myself
I always did something like that when I’m angry or sad..
I like red and I like blood… when scratch my hand, I just need a few minute to be calm
That was amazing.. but now, that make me thinking out loud and say “WHY ?”
Maybe anyone can say that I was crazy.. haha
maybe but someday I know something about this
Self Injury Disorder, Self Harm , Self Abuse or anything else…
Yes oh no… OMG I had a mental illness…

If someone make me angry, sad, frustrated… till know I always want to doing something like that again.. again… and again…

I try to stop it.
My parents, my family … they don’t know anything about this
But when someone or guy like me and I like him, I always tell him all about my past and my habit…
but anyone can not help me… just me
When some article said , someone who loves you and always support you, you can healed.. hmmm.. I don’t think so..
I guess there is no man who can stand with my illness…
Because it is just make they hurt to when they know about my habit when despondent,enraged or frustrated or very hurt…

But know I against my illness alone… haha
I tried to fight with myself..
Everyone … all of you.. you have to do this too..
Stand alone with your own shoes..
Struggle…
Yes I Was…
Yes I Am…
Yes I Have A Self Injury Disorder Disease…
And know everyone who read my blog know about my disease…
I hope this is good for a lot of people…

With Love…
Keep Struggle!!!

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Sang Kaya Penguasa

Gelimang harta itu, apa benar bukan hasil menginjak hak orang lain?
Kilau emas dan permata bisakah kau sisihkan sedikit saja untuk si miskin tak berpengharapan?
Ah.. ini hanya sebuah kalimat pertanyaan yang hanya perlu satu jawaban saja.
Seperti biasa, bukankah sandiwara telah menjadi bagian yang paing kalian sukai.
Hanya perlu Ya atau Tidak.
Tolong jangan beri silat lidah filosofi atau pun status di belakang namamu.
Semua orang tahu, aku tahu.. siapa yang tidak tahu dengan gelimang harta yang selalu tampak kemilau menutupi busuknya tanah yang hampir tiap hari kau injak.

Senyum palsu pada kaum rendah
Kami hanya keledai dungu diujung sungging senyummu
Iyah,, ini salah satu bentuk kekesalan karena bentuk penghakiman sebelah pihak yang memang seringkali dilakukan semua orang
Bukan hanya si kaya tapi juga si miskin
Berhak kah kita mengungkapkan pendapat sepihak kita tentang orang lain yang hanya sepintas lalu
Karena nila setitik rusak susu sebelanga
Eaa…
Tak pernah bisa seserius ini ketika amarah sebenarnya sudah dipuncak mendidih di kepala
Harga diri yang terluka
Tak pernah mencaci sesantun ini karena dikatai orang yang merasa berhak berkata hanya karena mengisi periuk nasi di awal bulan purnama

Ini pertama kali juga menulis sampah setelah sekian lama
tak terlalu penting sebenarnya
Lalu apa kabar dengan si kaya penguasa yang merajai judul besar tulisan ini?
Kita sama-sama akan menjadi abu
Siapa pun itu status dan jabatan mu detik ini pun bisa sama- sama menjadi abu
Jadi jangan percaya pada si kaya penguasa, karena

“….. masing – masing kita adalah penguasa dari diri kita sendiri “

~sunbright~

Sekian…

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20170327_181200-1.jpg

purple sky_my collection

Ini ceritanya sudah agak lama namun baru sempat saya tulis kali ini..
Hari itu saya benar-benar lelah dengan aktivitas yang padat…
Biasanya saya selalu ingin pulang lebih cepat dari biasaya, entah kenapa hari itu saya ga terlalu terbawa suasana.. saya tenang-tenang saja.

Hujan turun begitu lebat, wah jadwal pulang saya pun jadi diundur lagi semakin larut. Dengan terpaksa harus menunggu hingga hujan sore itu reda.
Saya tidak mengeluh, tidak berfirasat apa pun saat itu.

Seingat saya itu sore hari sebelum Hari Raya Nyepi…

Dengan langkah ringan saya berjalan keluar ruangan bersiap untuk menuju ke rumah… Udaranya cukup dingin karena hujan baru saja reda.. saat melihat ke langit, mata saya dimanjakan oleh warna yang indah..

Paduan warna yang begitu indah, lelah saya seakan berkurang hanya dengan pemandangan langit sore itu…

God is Amazing… Tuhan itu selalu punya cara sederhana namun ajaib untuk menghibur dan kasih harapan buat saya..

Seperti sore itu… bukan hal yang mustahil.. langit ungu bisa menghibur tepat di depan mata…

Menakjubkan.. saya tersenyum dan begitu bersyukur… karena pemandangan itu benar-benar menakjubkan…

Langit keunguan sore itu sudah cukup untuk menjadi alasan untuk tersenyum setiap hari…

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